WeToo

I’m mad.

Mad that I have these emotions and that I have to explain why…

Mad that there are ANY other options besides believing survivors… and frankly, mad that people find our reality so hard to believe.

Mad that the double standard would exist, even in the reverse. 

Mad that I care what his opinion is. 

Mad that I want to fix it.

And that I can’t…

Mad that I’m made to think I have to feel less than. 

Mad that we are systemically and systematically being reminded that we. don’t. matter. 

Mad that I’ve felt that way all along. 

Mad that we are being asked to explain what consent or assault means to another person, or how they can avoid it. 

Mad that I feel like crying. Mad that that would make me “dramatic”.

Mad that merely having a vagina is reason enough to warrant being attacked. 

Mad that screaming NO is the only thing considered a viable defense. 

Mad that I have to somehow put into words how I’m feeling, and mad that I can’t.

What we as women are going through, alone together, is insurmountable. 

How are we holding it together? How are any of us even sane enough to function??

To keep trying… 

To date...

To trust...

To stay in relationships…

To leave them…

To have difficult conversations…

To excel in our careers…

To turn men down…

To travel alone…

To leave our homes…

To feel safe…

To smile…

Nope.

The whole thing is infuriating. 

It makes me angry that we even have to have these dialogues.

It makes me angry that we have to explain why it’s a legitimate problem. 

To defend why we should be believed…

To dare threaten the lackadaisical double standard of the status quo... 

So, yeah. We're triggered. This is where we live now. 

So you were accused of a case of sexual assault and now your “life is ruined”? I’m sorry. Sorry that you were under the impression you had achieved a life worth ruining. Sorry that you were allowed to keep living it, unimpeded, for however long it has been since the incident occurred. 

How about the woman, or women, who have been victims of assault and have to live with that reality every single day?  Sadly, in the case of so many, COUNTLESS times over the course of their lives! Try to wrap your head around that. It is no longer about if you know anyone who has experienced this, it’s how many.

Are you still able to be intimate with another person without paralyzing fear or long-term consequences of abuse? Do you have to change your daily behavior or seek therapy for the damage caused by someone else’s actions? A person who probably had no penalty for their wrongdoing? Who is probably convinced their actions weren’t out of line, not that they spend any time thinking about them at all? 

Conversely, do you live in fear that someone might METOO you from your past? Are you asking how you are even supposed to interact with women now at all?! 

Or are you really saying – how do I still get what I want without getting penalized for it these days? That’s more accurate, isn’t it? You’re different. You would never cross that line (where is that pesky line, anyhow?). You’re okay with doing the same reprehensible things, just as long as no one takes offense… no one finds out about them… Just as long as you don’t have to defend or take responsibility for your actions… Just so long they don’t come back to affect you.

Get the fuck out of here, man. 

I’m tired of teaching you and nothing changing. I’m tired of insensitive ignorance being the norm. I'm tired of equality and empowerment being considered radical and subversive. I’m tired of people making excuses on behalf of someone else and constantly giving perpetrators the benefit of the doubt. I’m tired of women convincing themselves that they must have done something wrong. I’m tired of these stories being silenced. 

And you’re right. You should be scared. Because, more than just your behavior, it is your comprehension of the issues WHOLE UNIVERSE that needs to change! Have you ever stopped to check your acquiescence to the male gaze? Have you ever considered what it is like to be viewed as a commodity? Do you still view the value of everything you encounter in life on the basis of whether or not you can fuck it? 

Add this to your Netflix queue.

So change, you must. Because in the very near future, we won’t have to rely on calendars and hearsay to corroborate a claim… we’ll scroll back to your Facebook events history. We’ll open up the DMs and send over the screenshots. Cause women? We keep receipts. 

We give. And give and give and give. But we do not forget. 

And we are watching. 

Ladies, 

It has been an emboldening privilege to hear your stories over the last week and year since this movement began.

I am so sorry. 

I’m here if you want to cry or scream or vent or sit and scowl into the distance, or just be heard. I hear you. 

You are so strong. It’s not your fault. You deserve better. We all do. 

I support your process, I encourage you to speak out, to have conversations, to share in the pain and frustration. Channel your anger. Use your voice. 

Take care of yourselves, and take care of each other. Clearly, no one else will.

Let's change the world. 

Xx

B